Sunday, July 14, 2013

Where ya been, girlfriend???

So I admit it. I took a blogging break two whole months after I started. Way to be, right? Why did it happen? In a quasi-nutshell, here's my story.

March - early April
Started comparing my successes (and, more honestly, failures) to the rest of the blogosphere. Why aren't I eating more kale? Ehrmagerd, she ran a half and a sprint triathlon in one weekend, and I didn't make it to the gym at ALL. Gah, I'm such a failure! Good grief!

That spun into obsession in other areas of my life: Why haven't in redone my kitchen cabinets with reclaimed wood from an old cathedral? Last season's shoes? I'm wearing last season's shoes AND I didn't make my own puff pastry and milk my own cow? AHHHH!!!!!

No matter where I looked, I was falling behind, so I took a self-imposed break from the blog world. And then...

Thanks federal government. (Yes that's a lowercase "f," compared to the big uppercase "f" I wanted to give them in another context.) Because of sequestration-induced lack of work, I was laid off effective May 1. Fabulous. Cue the stress eating.

Officially out of work and living off the state. But I spent time at the gym, submitted applications, and played with my little man, but I couldn't shake a horrible anxiety that kept increasing. Then, mid-month, the phone rang. My sister-in-law, husband Joe's only sibling, was gone. Pulmonary embolism while getting ready for work that morning. Thirty-nine years old, a husband, and a whole life ahead of her, cut short. And our world crashed down as I helped Joe heal and Nicholas to understand why Aunt Jodi wouldn't be around to play with him anymore. And we're still working on all of that.

Started a great new job with amazing new people doing just what I've dreamed about since I was in college. And while that's all fantastic, starting a new job is definitely one of life's top stresses. So I ate.

July 4, then a week at the beach, from which we just came home yesterday. And this morning I got on the scale. And do you know what it said???

Stress eating will make you gain weight. 

Well balls, who didn't know what was coming? So I'm back, because getting these thoughts out and being accountable to something larger than myself, good and bad, is important. And I will succeed. Screw bathing suit season, I have my eye on some amazing designer jeans. They will be mine.